The call to the Co-Worker confirmed it. Co-Worker seemed hesitant, almost apologetic, but this was no mistake or goof, it was the real deal. He made a passing comment about how swiftly it all had become, and Co-Worker offered no explanation, so they quickly hung up after the obligatory thank you/take it easy sign-off. He continued to drive, into the dark, stunned and perplexed at the same time. So many thoughts ran through his mind. So many memories -- yes, he was aware of the anomaly that it's human nature to easily remember the good times more so than the bad times, so he was sure to check himself before sliding down any slippery slope. The wheels were going round and round, but not coming to any logical conclusion. Of course, this was love (or something like it) we were talking about, and he bought in to it, especially with the knowledge of how she felt about him as expressed in various descriptive and provocative emails, letters and notes. He had kept them all, and as he moved forward, his mind re-opened all of them, recounting every word, noting every connotation and inflection, associating the words to her face, her touch, her heart...and it was all gone, just like that?
It was a good 15 minutes before he realized that the radio was not on. He had been driving in silence, which, given his penchant for always having music whenever and wherever possible, is something he never did. Clearly he was hit so hard, he lost his senses for a moment, and was surprised that he didn't run the car into the nearest telephone pole. Yet there was something about that very thought -- he also noticed, ever so slightly, a calming force in the background of all of it. As if a weight was slowly, quietly lifting off his shoulders. Yes, he was surprised -- she made the most unexpected move; he never saw it coming, but he couldn't be too hard on himself because it was his choice to purposely distance himself from her, by any means, over the past several months. He made it a point to disconnect from anything having to do with her, which was a complete 180 from before when he would do anything to be near her. So, as he reasoned with himself while continuing his driving, he recognized how sad he was, but yet not so much as to be completely ruined. And as he reflected on it, he would realize later that this unexplained background calming force was the foundation for the saving grace -- the guiding light that would pull him out of the abyss. "Was it meant to be this way?", he wondered, again, trying to find reason for it all. It did make some sense -- he was upset that it all ended the way it did, so mysteriously and sudden, and just days after one of the best times of their lives. There was no rhyme or reason to that, too, and he had spent the past several months in free-fall, trying to figure it all out, hoping for some resolution, wondering if it was temporary, hoping she would want to talk to him again the way she used to do. This news was like a cold slap of reality, courtesy of her, and he had to admit it was a brilliant move. But for it to be so, it would have to include pre-meditated motive, which was not unknown to her. And if that were so, it would likely mean he was dealing with an unsound mind, because how else could he rationalize the roller-coaster ride of emotions? This was not logical nor humanitarian by any means -- she made a mentally unpredictable move, lacking in common sense (to him), and in the end, his mind was eased by the all because he firmly believed he was dealing with an unstable person. And he laughed to himself, thinking, Well, if she's unstable, then so is he, especially after these past several months. She made the most unexpected move, and he was now starting to realize (and savor) the best part of all: he was now free.
It took a moment for it all to sink in, but as it did, he could feel the pressure lifting, and a small smile came to his face. It wasn't the end of the world -- it was the beginning of a new world. Tomorrow would be the first day of the rest of his life. It was like a ball and chain was released from his ankle -- oh, the sweet feeling of freedom! And what do you know: he was thankful to her yet again, only this time it was for his benefit, not hers anymore. Suddenly the world looked less dreary, less dark. And best of all, he envisioned a steaming hot bullet flying towards him, but just grazing his forehead before moving past him to another target. He had dodged it just in time, and lived to look back at where it was going...into another abyss. "Poor Bastard", he thought, "Better him than me. Good Luck with that", he thought to himself, wryly, as he continued to drive, away from her world, and for the first time in a long time, actually found himself enjoying the ride. He turned on the radio...
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