STRANGE games

yo, IS ANYBODY ALIVE OUT THERE??

1) Oh-lympic Hockey. Wow, what a great couple of games! Some, like Wilbon, call the Olympic hockey matches the greatest hockey tournament ever. More people watched last night's Gold Medal game (between Canada and USA) than any game of the last World Series between the Yankees and Phillies. More than Game Four of the NBA Finals between the Lakers and Magic. What does that tell you? Well, I think MadDog got it right by saying it has a lot to do with the games being on this side of the globe, whereas in 2014 in Russia, it will be (as the kids say nowadays) an Epic Fail. The great thing was the spirit of nationalism -- do we hate Canada? No -- they may be a pain in the arse, but I know they are harmless, just like my neighbor with her weird ill-timed questions about yardwork improvement (usually just after I finished my 4th beer in 10 minutes). Are they the villain like the old Soviet Union? No, it would be like saying your little brother is as much a menace to society as the High School drop-out gang leader in your old neighborhood -- it just doesn't correlate. And in the end, even though we were all pulling for the Good Guys, the Kid slipped on 5-hole past Ryan "I'm standing on my head here!" Miller to win the Gold Medal on home soil -- the first time since...since...gee, when was that again? And who did that then? We only heard about it, oh, EVERY DAY. Hey, I'm cool with Can-ah-Dah winning, it's no biggie to me, it's their national sport, fer chrissakes! And don't give me that lacrosse argument! It would be like if the USA lost the Olympic Basketball tournament on home soil -- it just can't happen (do NOT talk to me about Munich 1972 -- those cheaters are burning in hell for what they did to us. 2 Do-Overs of the last 3 seconds of the game? WTF). Would have loved to see our girls take the Women's tournament, especially since we had the much HOTTER girls on our team -- Good grief, there was not ONE Canadian girl on that team that was even remotely attractive! C'mon, now! No wonder they drank so much after the game -- they sure didn't have any where else to go, same as any other weekend night, I sure!
EXIT QUESTION: Did the 4-on-4 OT rule "cheapen" the win? Lots of smak talk on that issue -- why not have the best of the best go 5-on-5 in Sudden Death OT? Luongo was shaky at best, Crosby would have been double-teamed like he was all game (Crosby actually sucked most of the tournament, but all is forgotten with that GWing goal). What say you?

2) Curling. Didn't know what I loved more -- the tantalizing matches or the reactions of all the newbies to the sport watching it for the very first time and who had no friggin' idea what it was all about. Actually, I take that back -- the matches were fun to watch, whereas the haters and head-scratching viewers were just annoying. Didn't the matches compel you to watch, like a roadside accident you just couldn't look away from? Couple of comments -- {a} our men's team SUCKED out loud. I heard they were all full of themselves before the tournament, thinking they would be serious contenders. Then the so-called captain of the team outright Doinked on the last throw of several matches in a row, resulting in unexpected losses, and just like that, game over. Real Smooth, frat boy. Thanks for nothing. {b} if I never see another up close shot of Canadian women's captain CHERYL BERNARD, it will be too soon. Uh, NBC, this just in: there are other women on the team besides CHERYL BERNARD. I have a question for you (oh, there are SO MANY QUESTIONS for NBC and their coverage, or lack of it, but I digress): where were all these close-ups when the Danish or other Euro women were curling? Those girls came out with a fundraising calendar, and, well, let me just say, it's on my Christmas list from now on. See deadspin.com if you want to know more. Now, if CHERYL BERNARD (capitalized just in case you forgot her name) and her mates posed like "that" in their own calendar, I'll take back all I said.
EXIT QUESTION: If Curling had a televised league match every weekend like bowling or poker, would you watch it? Co-ed maybe? What Say You?

3) Ice Dancing. Now here's an event that I used to go out of my way to purposely run from, any chance I got. Yours Truly, Mr. Traditionalist, would not accept this event as legitimate over Pairs Skating (cuz, you know, I participated in Pairs Skating in my HS Senior Year Winter Carnival, with the fair L. Sinclair, so I'm a veteran! Doesn't matter that we barely could stay on our skates, let alone in sequence -- we were a part of it, dammit! And her hair smelled so good...I think we finished last, but I blame it on the biased wannbe-Russian judges). But then I was introduced to Tanith Belbin. Sounds like: Soft Porn. Holy Moley, who is THAT and where can I get more of it?? I hope you caught the Ice Dancing prelims -- the couples would panto-mine lust even as they got into position before the friggin' start of their routine! It was awesome! The key to scoring, on the ice, besides the synchronicity, is to stay as close to each other's waist as possible, all while twisting and twirling and gyrating on and around each other. My girl Tanith finished Fourth -- she and her "partner" were too overhyped and underestimated the competition. Between the costumes and the acrobatic grab-ass -- and did I mention the subtle soft porn imagery? -- it was incredible to behold. Sign me up for next time around -- I'm sure in 2014 it will get real dirty in Euro-World!
EXIT QUESTION: Will Tanith Belbin please consider a female partner next time? If that happens, the world will surely end. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'....

4) Half Pipe -- dude, like, that was so, like, righteous, man. Funny to watch all the pretenders take turns trying their best, then Shawn White comes over and NOT ONLY wins it easily, he adds another routine that still has people shaking their heads.
EXIT QUESTION: Does any snowboarder remember what he/she had for breakfast yesterday morning?

5) Lindsey Vonn -- how can I finish without props to America's favorite ski bunny? Hey, she nutted up and not only raced, but she pulled a Tiger and won the Gold easily in downhill, on one leg -- she almost lost it at the end, too, she was on one ski just as she crossed the finish line. Talk about balls to the wall. And Julie Mancuso is no sloppy seconds, either. Props to Bode Miller -- thank you for making up for that disastrous choke job in Turin. He's a winner all around -- sure, he let the nation down in 2006, but he got to party like a God in Italy, then he atoned himself with his performance in Vancouver. That ain't workin', that's the way to do it....

6) Sucks that the Luge dude died -- but really, Vancouver? Who was the mental midget that designed that track? "Hey, lets put up exposed steel beams with no padding just as you come out of a hair-raising turn!" Someone needs to be held accountable. I think I'm entitled to answers! I want the truth!

7) Bonus: how would you like to be that Dutch coach that got his skater DQ'ed because he made him switch lanes at the wrong time? That's what happens when you party all night with the Danish Women's Curling team the night before...hey, now that you mention it...