Dodge, Part II

The call to the Co-Worker confirmed it. Co-Worker seemed hesitant, almost apologetic, but this was no mistake or goof, it was the real deal. He made a passing comment about how swiftly it all had become, and Co-Worker offered no explanation, so they quickly hung up after the obligatory thank you/take it easy sign-off. He continued to drive, into the dark, stunned and perplexed at the same time. So many thoughts ran through his mind. So many memories -- yes, he was aware of the anomaly that it's human nature to easily remember the good times more so than the bad times, so he was sure to check himself before sliding down any slippery slope. The wheels were going round and round, but not coming to any logical conclusion. Of course, this was love (or something like it) we were talking about, and he bought in to it, especially with the knowledge of how she felt about him as expressed in various descriptive and provocative emails, letters and notes. He had kept them all, and as he moved forward, his mind re-opened all of them, recounting every word, noting every connotation and inflection, associating the words to her face, her touch, her heart...and it was all gone, just like that?
It was a good 15 minutes before he realized that the radio was not on. He had been driving in silence, which, given his penchant for always having music whenever and wherever possible, is something he never did. Clearly he was hit so hard, he lost his senses for a moment, and was surprised that he didn't run the car into the nearest telephone pole. Yet there was something about that very thought -- he also noticed, ever so slightly, a calming force in the background of all of it. As if a weight was slowly, quietly lifting off his shoulders. Yes, he was surprised -- she made the most unexpected move; he never saw it coming, but he couldn't be too hard on himself because it was his choice to purposely distance himself from her, by any means, over the past several months. He made it a point to disconnect from anything having to do with her, which was a complete 180 from before when he would do anything to be near her. So, as he reasoned with himself while continuing his driving, he recognized how sad he was, but yet not so much as to be completely ruined. And as he reflected on it, he would realize later that this unexplained background calming force was the foundation for the saving grace -- the guiding light that would pull him out of the abyss. "Was it meant to be this way?", he wondered, again, trying to find reason for it all. It did make some sense -- he was upset that it all ended the way it did, so mysteriously and sudden, and just days after one of the best times of their lives. There was no rhyme or reason to that, too, and he had spent the past several months in free-fall, trying to figure it all out, hoping for some resolution, wondering if it was temporary, hoping she would want to talk to him again the way she used to do. This news was like a cold slap of reality, courtesy of her, and he had to admit it was a brilliant move. But for it to be so, it would have to include pre-meditated motive, which was not unknown to her. And if that were so, it would likely mean he was dealing with an unsound mind, because how else could he rationalize the roller-coaster ride of emotions? This was not logical nor humanitarian by any means -- she made a mentally unpredictable move, lacking in common sense (to him), and in the end, his mind was eased by the all because he firmly believed he was dealing with an unstable person. And he laughed to himself, thinking, Well, if she's unstable, then so is he, especially after these past several months. She made the most unexpected move, and he was now starting to realize (and savor) the best part of all: he was now free.
It took a moment for it all to sink in, but as it did, he could feel the pressure lifting, and a small smile came to his face. It wasn't the end of the world -- it was the beginning of a new world. Tomorrow would be the first day of the rest of his life. It was like a ball and chain was released from his ankle -- oh, the sweet feeling of freedom! And what do you know: he was thankful to her yet again, only this time it was for his benefit, not hers anymore. Suddenly the world looked less dreary, less dark. And best of all, he envisioned a steaming hot bullet flying towards him, but just grazing his forehead before moving past him to another target. He had dodged it just in time, and lived to look back at where it was going...into another abyss. "Poor Bastard", he thought, "Better him than me. Good Luck with that", he thought to himself, wryly, as he continued to drive, away from her world, and for the first time in a long time, actually found himself enjoying the ride. He turned on the radio...

Dodge, Pt 1

He woke up in a mood that was unusual, compared to how he usually woke up for the past several months. It was as if a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. As the alarm from his cell phone bleated incessantly, he did something he normally wouldn't do: he just laid there. The "normal" process was to jolt out of bed as soon as the alarm sounded -- he had this move ingrained in his head for several years because he once had a bad habit of sleeping through alarms (and subsequently would be forever late for work), so he forced himself to make it a priority to get out of bed immediately (but he also had a fail-safe back-up of a second alarm programmed to go off 30 minutes after the first, you know, just in case) -- but on this morning, he just laid there, in the dark and silence, staring straight up at the ceiling. He could tell that this day was different, his conscience no longer clouded by guilt or despair. His mind raced over so many small details (he always was a firm believer that the Devil is in the Details), and, like a merging set of highways, the details always came together to the same conclusion: this day was really the first day of the rest of his life, and it was good.
The alarm shut off automatically after a minute, as it usually does if not turned off manually, and he continued to lay there. He was now conscious of his movement (or lack of it). This is different, but why? He searched his mind for the reason (his life revolved around the tireless quest for reason, and many times it was not always in his favor), and his memory took him back just 14 hours before, when he first heard the news. At that time, he put up a good front, as if to show on the outside he was not bothered by it at all. This was important because he never likes to show his hand if he can help it, so he was quick to move to an unemotional appearance. The news was a complete surprise. He went into scramble mode, thankful that only one other person was in the room, and she was oblivious to past history. She was the messenger, and he was not going to slay her, she had no idea of what she was doing other than engaging in conversation, so he played it off as such. It turned out to be a good decision because she quickly turned the topic towards her own pitiful plight, using it as an example of how one person could unfairly (according to her) be the recipient of bounty while she was more deserving, yet still doing without. He quickly shifted his position to sympathy for the messenger and tried his best to show support. After all, this was a fellow human, in pain, and he knew all about that. The sob story was suddenly ended when a much-anticipated phone call came to him, and he asked for pardon because he had to take it. She left the office, in mid-sentence, but very polite, and he was equally grateful and sorry, but this was business. He anxiously took the call because, well, for one reason, it was a client that wanted to hand him a large piece of business, and besides, it moved his mind away from the news.
After the call (and successful business conversation -- it's all good, it's getting closer to reality), his mind travelled back to the news. He stared at the floor. Is it possible? He couldn't believe what he heard. He was stunned. He was hurt. He was angry. The emotions were flooding his head. The Woman still had control over his feelings, and it would drive him crazy every time he fell down that slippery slope. Only this time, there seemed to be a finality to it all. This piece of news was like a bombshell that exploded over his frail mindset, as if to purposely shatter it and eliminate it forever. Maybe that's what he needed, maybe this was a good thing. Was it a Fade? Was this done purposely, as if sent from the Universe to straighten his ass out? The contrarian view was usually never wrong and existed for a reason, but it isn't popular because human nature doesn't readily accept it. He loved it because it was a deviation from the norm, and that's how he always was, from the beginning -- as Sister Albert told him in 6th grade, he was a Non-Conformist, and he reveled in it. He studied the news, and, as he did, he also recognized a feeling of the weight slowly moving from his conscious. Could it be? Is this a Fade within a Fade? Was he over-analyzing everything? He knew he had to clear his mind quickly, so he left his office (the scene of the crime, ironically enough, for both beginning and end) and walked out to the lobby. He needed validation from another source, just to be sure. But he also didn't want to give the appearance that he was desperate for it. After all, how did he know that it wasn't a set-up? To see how he would react if given news he wasn't expecting? He trusted no one, but was careful not to show it. First stop was to the Messenger -- apologizing for the interruption in the middle of her soul-baring diatribe. He cared about this person and wanted her to know, but she was also very understanding that business comes first, and thankful for the support. He turned to face the only other person he could trust to tell him the truth about what he heard, but that person was suddenly very busy, and he wasn't about to interrupt business just to discuss personal issues. It was getting late, the day was just about over, so his only other option was to pack up and leave, and to call the co-worker anonymously from the road. In the meantime, he had a strong urge to call his Confidant, to tell her about what he heard. The Confidant was very supportive and he leaned on her many times, almost too much, but she never failed him and was always offering support, even when her own world would sometimes fail. He would always be grateful and he promised himself that he would do all he could to return the favor, any time she needed him for equal support, and they worked well together as Confidants to each other. He so wanted to pick up the phone and call her immediately, but what if if wasn't true? What if it was misinterpreted? What if he jumped before being sure, as if his emotions were in control instead of rational thinking? No, he didn't call the Confidant, he had to call the Co-Worker first, to confirm it.

Not your best idea, El Rushbo

-- In the "heavy sigh" department: Rush Limbaugh, the bombastic bumpkin of talk radio, has again created a stir by insinuating that the White House has an alterior motive to be front and center on the Aid to Haiti crisis -- specifically, a political motive for the current administration and the Democratic Party. I have read articles and heard soundbites from both sides, and I have yet to find anyone that supports Limbaugh's position. As a 30-yr registered Republican, I can honestly say that Rush does NOT speak for me or for my fellow conservatives, and he remains more of a problem than Sarah Palin because of his ability to express his opinion to millions of unsuspecting (and unfortunately highly gullible) listeners. At least with Palin, you pretty much know where you stand: she's likeable but lightweight, sassy but lacking in substance, and this is ok for the most part because she's eager to conform to the needs of the many if it suits her best interests. Which is nothing different from ANY other politician, living or dead, and anyone that disagrees has not taken the time or energy to research American political history. Seriously, Rush, what crisis has not been used for political motivation? We saw a ton of it during the POTUS '08 campaign with the Republicans that used their performance after 9/11 as a litmus test of their ability to handle crisis intervention. Same with the Dems in Congress that showed their willingness to work in bi-partisan effort to help Americans in need and come together in a show of force to initiate the war agenda. Rush must either be bored or negatively reacting to his medications, and I would strongly suggest that he team with a partner that may help to check him from time to time so that he can focus on issues that create a net benefit for all Americans, and distance himself from caustic topics that do nothing but substantiate our weak opinion of him as a spokesman for conservative causes.

When your Best isn't Good Enough

The POTUS must not be sleeping much lately, thanks to recent resurfacing of allegations and admissions regarding the party-crashers, the Christmas Day bomber near-disaster, and the murder of 7 important CIA agents from one Al-Quaeda double agent suicide bomber. Plus, he starts the new year with one of the lowest approval ratings of any President heading into his second year. The POTUS came into office with a strong mandate of the people, most of who were infected with a fever of change, and now he's beginning to realize that it's not as easy as he once thought it would be. It's one thing to work hard to stay in front of everything, but if you ever managed even a small group of people for any extended period of time, you will find that it's not easy to be in control of everything. As a former manager, I would try to surround myself with the best and strongest, and yet still, there'd be something that happens that you never saw coming or got there too late. The key is to try to stay unemotional and stay in front of the problems, all the time. The only problem there is you can't see everything. People do and say the strangest things, at the worst times, and you either stress yourself out trying to stay one step ahead, or something small and trivial slips by your fingers and you don't realize it until it's too late. POTUS is not looking too excited lately, and now I'm wondering if he's second-guessing himself on some of his appointments and cabinet positions. His political party doesn't sound so happy, either -- they just lost 4 more Senators who will not be running again, leaving their seats wide open. It's funny how I remember when the 'publicans had a similar experience during the Bush Administration, and the press was quick to point out that it reminded one of rats leaving a sinking ship. Don't see quite the same reaction from the press this time. It's like watching Superman suddenly turn mortal and be seriously hurt by punch after counter-punch. And not much noise from my Bush-bashing friends, lately, either -- you see, it's not as easy as it seems. C'mon, friends, if you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here to help. You see, for the past eight years, my back has grown very strong because of all the weight put on it by you bashers, thanks to constant finger-pointing about every little negative thing being wrongly connotated as a F-up by a dim POTUS. Not so now? Is the shoe now on the other foot? Need Athlete's Food powder?

Ask me about 10

There seems to be a universal underground movement amongst industries that service customers, where the motive is to get feedback on the level of service received or (God forbid) not received. While at a auto body shop yesterday, I noticed that several of the employees were wearing a tag that said, "Ask me about 10". It didn't take a big leap from me to figure out what the motive was behind the message. What else would body shop employees want from everyday, day-in, day-out customers, besides their business? They want feedback. This is the golden information that helps them to determine the liklihood of repeat business, which in turns helps determine their immediate future as a profitable business enterprise. Can't say that I've not seen this before: my own employer has a similar quest for truth, albeit the grading scale only goes up to 5 (hey, cutbacks happen everywhere, it seems, even in the grading scale business). Always being the salesman that loves to hear all spiels, I asked about the "10". The clerk was very professional and very well coached. "We value your opinion and would appreciate you taking a few minutes to answer some questions about the level of service we receive; our goal is to get a '10' from you, and that tells us that you have been given the highest level of service". Very subtle -- she appealed for my help in giving them extra justification for their job, via an outside grading system. Of course, I was willing to comply. In sales, we always want to know how we did for you and what we could do better. Sometimes it matters in that it brings attention to things we may not have been aware of during our sales relationship cycle. Other times (if it comes back very favorable), it's used as a proud banner of achievement, to shamelessly self-promote us as the best thing in this industry since sliced bread. Quite understandable -- feedback is important if used to better oneself. Just ask any psychoanalyst. And then, sometimes, the feedback does not always matter -- the complaints are not anything that can be easily resolved, or maybe something was lost in the translation, resulting in a hopeless cause of a project that was doomed from the start. Yet we know from past experiences that the most successful companies get that way, in part, because they paid attention to their customer's feedback and made changes as needed. Conversely, the feedback is not always used to benefit all parties, because it can also be used as a tool to support claims that the benefactor was unjustly served by the employee, thus putting it on record in the employee's file for future reference. I'm the first to admit that knowledge is power, but as a fledgling self-taught golfer for over 20 years, I also acknowledge that there is such a thing as "Analysis Paralysis", and sometimes too much information is not always the best policy. At that point, it comes down to very simple and basic principles -- if you do your job right, and follow up with your business plan, you should see success come to you, plus your clients will benefit greatly from your performance and dedication to your craft. Makes sense, for the most part, but after a while, we lose sight of this idea (probably because it's too simple), so then we call in the feedback surveys to bring us back to reality. And so it begins...again.

Like it was yesterday

Given that it's College Football Bowl season, it's the time of year when I recall one of my favorite memories of my life (and the best football game I've seen on the road) -- the 1987 Rose Bowl between Arizona State and Michigan, in Pasadena, California. To date, it's the only bowl game I've been to, and it will be hard to top. In late 1986, the Sun Devil football team was having a terrific year, and all of us fans were enjoying the moment as our team surprised everyone with upset wins (including a road win over heavily favored USC at the LA Colosseum -- another game I attended) on the way to the Pac Ten conference championship. In those pre-BCS days, the champion of the Pac Ten was required to play the Big Ten Conference champion, and that year our opponent was the mighty (and tradition-laden) Michigan Wolverines. It was our school's first Rose Bowl appearance -- we had several chances to make it before, but always stumbled on the last game of the year against our hated rival University of Arizona, thus knocking us out of the game. That was not the case in 1986, and so my (then) girlfriend and I made plans to go to the game. She had family that lived in SoCal, so we made arrangements to stay with them over the holiday break; her cousins and best friends were joining us at the game, so we had quite a group of revelers together to take in the whole experience. And what an experience it was! From the car trip to SoCal, driving with and through caravans of other ASU fans (it was an 8-hr road trip), to the NYE dinner at a subtle-yet-trendy SoCal restaurant, to the game itself -- it was a magical time and I remember telling myself to be sure to take it all in, for future reference, and I'm glad I did. At that time in my life, my youthful arrogance (as we all had at that age) could have easily controlled my mindset of this being the way it will always be, as in To Be Expected Every Year, but for some reason, I was not wanting to take that path, and I told myself to look at it all as if I would never be here again, and it turned out to be the right decision.
The Rose Bowl stadium was an incredible sight to take in -- as we walked towards it from the parking lot, I remember seeing the ouside facade, the same facade that you see on TV whenever a game is broadcast, only this time I was actually there, and it was right in front of me. I remember our seats not being what most would consider to be great, and Critical Me would have been annoyed any other time, but No, not today, this was The Granddaddy of Them All, and I was here, with great friends, all of us immersed in booze-flavored joy, merriment and comraderie, as I had always wanted to be, and I was not disappointed in any of the surroundings. To top it off, the game itself was equal to the task as our Sun Devils rallied from behind to upset the Wolverines and win the Rose Bowl, in front of thousands of gold pom-pom waving ASU fans. It was an incredible sight. I brought the Nikon with me (as I usually did) and took a ton of pictures, but as great as the photos were, they could not match the actual experience. I was glad I was there to see it all, and so was most (if not all) of my fellow ASU fans -- one of the nice things about going to a school that is not a perennial football powerhouse is that, when the rare time comes that your alma mater does make the Big Show, the memory means so much more than if it's an every-year booster-club requirement (and remember what I said before about Familiarity Breeds Contempt). Plus, it helped that we won the game -- I'm sure it was not quite the same for fans that went to the 1997 Rose Bowl game that ASU lost in the last seconds.
Regardless, it remains one of my best memories of a sporting event, and one that I will never forget. It would be interesting to see how my recollections compare to yours and any similar events...

It could be worse

The theme for this month is "best", and thus the challenge begins. What comes to your mind when you think of "best"? Best Foods? Best Wishes? Best In Show? Pete Best? Best I move on...
I'm reminded of the song "the best of all possible worlds" -- I remember hearing it many years ago, on an alternative radio station in Phoenix. I think it's by Todd Rundgren, but I can't find it on the interwebs just yet. The melody has stuck in my head; I liked the layout of the song and I hope I can find it.
What is the Best of all possible worlds? I don't think it's humanly possible to exist in this scenario -- someone will always have a criticism or desire for something a little bit better. It's only when we go through all the rough patches in life and as we approach the downhill years that we yearn for something simpler, something basic. But in the meantime, we are human and thus destined for constant unrest. I guess you could say this is a good thing, in that it doesn't make us settle for less, doesn't make us lackadasical, for as we all know, "familiarity breeds comtempt". The person that wrote that was not oblivious to the human condition of always yearning for more, no matter how good we may have it. The German philosopher Leibniz wrote about something similar, in that there must always be the existence of both good and evil in order to obtain the best of all possible worlds, because one cannot be justified without the other. The optimal solution would be, of course, to have a much larger proportion of good than evil. Evil must exist only to remind us of the benefits of good and why we must use our free will in a positive manner for humanity. This fight for proper proportion has been the albatross around mankind's neck since its beginnings, and it will never end unless we evolve past it. Given that we are now talking millions of years from now, I suggest (as have others) we focus on the immediate and try to make things Better, for now, as we move forward to the goal of Best.