He woke up in a mood that was unusual, compared to how he usually woke up for the past several months. It was as if a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. As the alarm from his cell phone bleated incessantly, he did something he normally wouldn't do: he just laid there. The "normal" process was to jolt out of bed as soon as the alarm sounded -- he had this move ingrained in his head for several years because he once had a bad habit of sleeping through alarms (and subsequently would be forever late for work), so he forced himself to make it a priority to get out of bed immediately (but he also had a fail-safe back-up of a second alarm programmed to go off 30 minutes after the first, you know, just in case) -- but on this morning, he just laid there, in the dark and silence, staring straight up at the ceiling. He could tell that this day was different, his conscience no longer clouded by guilt or despair. His mind raced over so many small details (he always was a firm believer that the Devil is in the Details), and, like a merging set of highways, the details always came together to the same conclusion: this day was really the first day of the rest of his life, and it was good.
The alarm shut off automatically after a minute, as it usually does if not turned off manually, and he continued to lay there. He was now conscious of his movement (or lack of it). This is different, but why? He searched his mind for the reason (his life revolved around the tireless quest for reason, and many times it was not always in his favor), and his memory took him back just 14 hours before, when he first heard the news. At that time, he put up a good front, as if to show on the outside he was not bothered by it at all. This was important because he never likes to show his hand if he can help it, so he was quick to move to an unemotional appearance. The news was a complete surprise. He went into scramble mode, thankful that only one other person was in the room, and she was oblivious to past history. She was the messenger, and he was not going to slay her, she had no idea of what she was doing other than engaging in conversation, so he played it off as such. It turned out to be a good decision because she quickly turned the topic towards her own pitiful plight, using it as an example of how one person could unfairly (according to her) be the recipient of bounty while she was more deserving, yet still doing without. He quickly shifted his position to sympathy for the messenger and tried his best to show support. After all, this was a fellow human, in pain, and he knew all about that. The sob story was suddenly ended when a much-anticipated phone call came to him, and he asked for pardon because he had to take it. She left the office, in mid-sentence, but very polite, and he was equally grateful and sorry, but this was business. He anxiously took the call because, well, for one reason, it was a client that wanted to hand him a large piece of business, and besides, it moved his mind away from the news.
After the call (and successful business conversation -- it's all good, it's getting closer to reality), his mind travelled back to the news. He stared at the floor. Is it possible? He couldn't believe what he heard. He was stunned. He was hurt. He was angry. The emotions were flooding his head. The Woman still had control over his feelings, and it would drive him crazy every time he fell down that slippery slope. Only this time, there seemed to be a finality to it all. This piece of news was like a bombshell that exploded over his frail mindset, as if to purposely shatter it and eliminate it forever. Maybe that's what he needed, maybe this was a good thing. Was it a Fade? Was this done purposely, as if sent from the Universe to straighten his ass out? The contrarian view was usually never wrong and existed for a reason, but it isn't popular because human nature doesn't readily accept it. He loved it because it was a deviation from the norm, and that's how he always was, from the beginning -- as Sister Albert told him in 6th grade, he was a Non-Conformist, and he reveled in it. He studied the news, and, as he did, he also recognized a feeling of the weight slowly moving from his conscious. Could it be? Is this a Fade within a Fade? Was he over-analyzing everything? He knew he had to clear his mind quickly, so he left his office (the scene of the crime, ironically enough, for both beginning and end) and walked out to the lobby. He needed validation from another source, just to be sure. But he also didn't want to give the appearance that he was desperate for it. After all, how did he know that it wasn't a set-up? To see how he would react if given news he wasn't expecting? He trusted no one, but was careful not to show it. First stop was to the Messenger -- apologizing for the interruption in the middle of her soul-baring diatribe. He cared about this person and wanted her to know, but she was also very understanding that business comes first, and thankful for the support. He turned to face the only other person he could trust to tell him the truth about what he heard, but that person was suddenly very busy, and he wasn't about to interrupt business just to discuss personal issues. It was getting late, the day was just about over, so his only other option was to pack up and leave, and to call the co-worker anonymously from the road. In the meantime, he had a strong urge to call his Confidant, to tell her about what he heard. The Confidant was very supportive and he leaned on her many times, almost too much, but she never failed him and was always offering support, even when her own world would sometimes fail. He would always be grateful and he promised himself that he would do all he could to return the favor, any time she needed him for equal support, and they worked well together as Confidants to each other. He so wanted to pick up the phone and call her immediately, but what if if wasn't true? What if it was misinterpreted? What if he jumped before being sure, as if his emotions were in control instead of rational thinking? No, he didn't call the Confidant, he had to call the Co-Worker first, to confirm it.
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